There is often a tendency for people, and especially leaders, in the workplace to have two very different personalities when it comes to routine stressors and ones that are more challenging. The expression of these different facets often comes about as a cycle, with the everyday personality maintaining positive coping, until an extreme change in plans causes a tipping point.
For others in the workplace, this sudden transformation can come as a surprise, especially if there is little communication about how the situation is really impacting you. As a result, all that others can see is the outwards expression you are projecting, even if internally you are reaching a breaking point. The concern, however, is that the re-action you express is very different than a conscious action, and this energy does influence outcomes.
Taking A Few Steps Back
At Technalink, we sometimes refer to this cycle as the “terrible twos”, partially because it reminds us of the fact that we are empowered to choose which of these two sides of our personality we want to express. The other reason is that the metaphor of childhood development is also a good way to slow down and take inventory before deciding upon an action.
As children, we learn how to relate to others. We find friendships, disagreements, and acceptance, but we also find the experience of interaction. We learn that what we do reverberates out and influences how we continue to relate to others. In this process, we also eventually graduate from throwing a tantrum to get what we want, and move into the ability to communicate needs, while also listening and understanding the needs of others.
When we face challenges, either in people or in situations, we all have the tendency to want to become a toddler again and just have the whole obstacle resolve itself.
The Choice Of Action
We have to remember that it doesn’t matter how much internal work we have done in the past, what matters is how we put that self knowledge to work in the now. When stressors are beginning to feel overwhelming, communicating this fact can be enough to diffuse the expression of the terrible twos. Part of this is simply being able to voice the challenge and reduce the amount of emotional attachment that is being held, but another part is the fact that you are starting a dialogue.
Communication is key, not only for keeping you aware of your expression but also for resolving the challenge. This also means that you have opened up a two way path for exchanged ideas, and while you are voicing your needs, it also helps to stay conscious that others are trying to do the same. In actively listening, you not only begin to hear what the other is really saying, but you also hear yourself. This allows you to utilize all of this information in finding a solution, because it allows for an objectivity that respects and validates both sides of the challenge.
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